Al Fatihah

As you read my entry topic, you can guess it. Yes, let's recite Al-Fatihah to my aunty who passed away on 1st September, 2008 on the same day Muslim celebrate the first day of Ramadhan.

And yes, she was my reason of not being able to update my blog. She was admitted to GHKL on 18th August, 2008 after suffering for quite some time of breast carcinoma aka breast cancer. We knew it very late as she kept it secret from everyone except her husband. Even her daughter who lives with her doesn't know about it till she suffered so badly. She kept silence about it till the lump burst and she had to go to clinic for dressing. Then only the daughter knew about it and informed her brother who is living in Bahrain. Even she has been told by her mother not to tell anyone about it. Including her brother and elder sister.

She knew she had the breast cancer long time ago. Of course it started with one small lump with a 10 sen size. Afraid she was to go to hospital for further check up. She just let it be there for a while and it has grown into a golf ball size. She seeked opinion from her friend/friends. And it turned out a traditional medicine was being introduced. After the lump burst, she couldn't lift her left hand (the cancer attacked her left breast). When my mom and my sister visited her, she didn't say a word about it because she doesn't want my grandmother to know. When my grandmother asked her why her body temperature so hot, she said she was feeling a bit tired and nothing else. So my mom kept quiet until time to go back. Only the next day she called my mom to apologize for not telling anything as she said she doesn't want my grandmother to worry about it. That was about 5 weeks back.

I only managed to find time to visit her few days before she was admitted. That was on Friday, 15th Aug, 2008. At this point of time, her face has swollen and her whole left hand as well. When I asked, she said only because of the nerve system which I doubt it. I can see the dressing protruding from her blouse. It is quite big. She said before the lump burst, her skin at the breast dried up like dry ground. And I asked her whether it is hurt or not. She said it doesn't feel anything. Which again raised my doubt toward her. I cannot imagine the feeling if my skin is too dry.

Then bluntly Mr H asked her whether it is cancer or not. She said it is not. By the way, the clinic she visited for the dressing session is not a normal GP clinic. It is a clinic which gives like electronic treatment. Something like that. And at the end, the clinic cannot take it anymore and referred her to hospital.

True enough, when the doctor checked her, the specialist said it is too late. It is a breast cancer and sadly, it is already beyond stage 4! I visited her on the second day she was there. She asked me to rub her swollen hand to make her feel at ease. I asked her to be strong. Even her son from Bahrain came back. I visited her most everyday.

The doctors couldn't suggest surgery or chemotherapy because she was anaemic.

And what I can see, she was getting weaker. Until 25th Aug, 2008, we were being informed by my cousin she had difficulty in breathing and cannot speak. The specialist told him the cancer has spread to her neck and her nerves. And he was weeping. I just cannot bear it. So I took emergency leave and went to hospital to see her. She still recognize me and smiled at me. I then recite Yaasin to her as Doa for her.

In the afternoon, suddenly she talked. She was asking "How are you?" to the nurse. And everybody smiled. Happy, there was some improvement. The next day she even can joke with me and asked for chicken pie, chicken chop, cheese cake and satay to eat that day. But the next day, she was grumpy all the time and again had difficulty in breathing. She kept on asking her younger brother. My uncle will come the next day from KB to visit.

And her health kept on deteriorating. And I told Mr H, perhaps she was waiting to see her brother for the last time. We last visited her on Sunday, 31st Aug, 2008. At this point, she cannot speak at all, her breathing was more worse than ever. It seemed she was fighting her life for a breathe of oxygen which has been worn on her. We tried to keep her at ease. However my instinct tell me she's going to leave us. Very soon.

She left us at 9.50pm on 1st Sept, 2008. She looked so peaceful in her long sleep. Her face was so sweet. Below are how everyone viewed my aunty.

The Husband

He has accompanied her from day one she was admitted. Never left her bedside. He was with her 24 hours, 7 days a week. Until the last day, he dreamt she came to her naked. He told she was so beautiful and sweet like usual. He tried to reach to her to hug but she slipped from his arm. Then he knew, it will be the moment for him to part with his loving wife. You should have seen the expression of my uncle. He told us the story with the emotion at the fullest, the loving eyes and with a solemn face. Yes, he loves her that much. The way he told the story, touch me deeply as I have never seen a man openly telling everyone on the love he has toward his wife.

The Children

She will be remembered as a loving mother. A mother who taught everything about life. A mother who cook everything what the children want. Yes, my aunty was a great cook. She even made 50 pieces of curry puff for her son to bring back to Bahrain last June. Even she was suffering the cancer, she made it.

My Siblings

We have lost our only Aunty. She was my father's younger sister. We lost a place to ask for a recipe. But thankful enough, we managed to celebrate her birthday last June. That was when her son came back from Bahrain. She cooked us various food that day. And if only we had known she was sick......

My Grandmother

I was very sympathy toward my grandmother. She was so sad but she did not shed any tears in front of us. She has seen 3 of her children passed away. My father, my elder aunty and the current one. I just cannot imagine her feeling.

So readers, I am sorry for the long silence and the long entry this time as I would like to keep the memory for my aunty.

Again, let's recite Al-Fatihah. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya........